“We’re not racist, we’re claiming it back” -Tory Brexiteers calling themselves Grand Wizards.


WORDS: Punk Food Bandita

A group of hard line Tory Brexit advocates caused outrage yesterday when it was leaked that they refer to themselves as Grand Wizards. The term which has connotations to the Klu Klux Klan was deemed culturally insensitive by MP’s and social media users, who claimed that it was offensive and further proof of how out of touch our representatives are.

But the politicians have defended their move, stating the matter has all been blown out of proportion.

“Honestly, people these days will get upset about anything, wont they?” bellowed Boris Johnson “look, we are claiming it back from the yanks. I wanted to use Gestapo, but that one was vetoed while we are trying to convince everyone Corbyn is anti-Semitic. The American white supremacists have had Grand Wizard for ages now, so we are taking it back. You can’t say it’s racist if you’re all okay with black rappers saying the word-“

“What this clearly is a case of, interrupted Jacob Rees Mogg  “is the typical hard left snowflake bullying we have come to expect of this country. We never had any cool nicknames in school and it is our right to have one now”. Rees Mogg, who can trace his lineage back to the fungal spore that caused the Irish Potato Famine also dismissed concerns about his long white robes and hood that he had recently been seen in, asserting that they were a “family heirloom that the proles just don’t understand”.

“Well I think it’s disgusting” said ex-colleague George Osborne from his ayahuasca retreat in Peru. “They were always like this. I don’t know how anyone can be racist myself. We all bleed the same colour innit, bruv?” he stated before making a gang sign and playfully smacking the backside of a migrant sex worker.